“I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women that I have loved; all the cities I have visited.” ― Jorge Luis Borges
I am convinced that my soul exists, though, and even more, it has compelled me to write this letter. So, allow me to share.
As I sit here on this cozy sofa in my office, reflecting on my life, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people, moments, places, and books that have shaped my life. There are a few experiences that I hold close to my heart – they forever altered my perception of myself and the world around me.
An 800 km trek along Spain’s Camino del Norte.
It’s all about companionship.
In May 2023, my friend Karmen and I embarked on a 30-day journey on foot from San Sebastián to Santiago de Compostela in Spain. Leaving behind a total of 7 children (her four nearly grown-up kids and my not-quite-adult offspring), two husbands, and two dogs:). Our purpose was simple – to disconnect from daily obligations, the digital world, and the chaotic pace of modern life, all with the intention of savoring the views of northern Spanish cliffs, replenishing our physical strength with boundless nature’s energy, and indulging in quality time for friendship. Most importantly, it was an opportunity for us both to take time for ourselves for the first time.
As experienced hikers accustomed to traversing mountainous terrain, covering 800 km presented no significant physical challenge. Mentally, it was liberating; physically, it proved mildly demanding; spiritually, it was an invaluable and fulfilling experience. A walk such as this requires desire fuelling determination and courage along with wisdom guiding you away from missteps while preparing you prudently for such an extensive journey. Above all else, though – nature remains constant wherever you go. However, walking continuously for 30 days establishes an unbreakable connection with nature; every step taken forms an unspoken bond linking you seamlessly with this world.
I recall one particularly steep stretch amidst extremely windy weather where we encountered a slight motivational crisis deep within the untouched wilderness. Here, I felt how roadside plants encouraged me while offering their support (jasmine generously offered its fragrance and flowers while eucalyptus trees provided smooth trunks as rest spots along with vast grassy fields offering respite). Having undergone such an experience makes one even more humble – allowing you to perceive life as genuinely precious.
Despite this priceless encounter, the greatest gift of this journey was having Karmen by my side as a companion, whose serene tranquility echoed maternal care every night when she wished me goodnight. Throughout this transformative experience, Karmen’s companionship remained constant and reassuring – a comforting presence that made each day end with her familiar words: “ Goodnight, Vesna.”
My Last Step onto African Soil
Marked the beginning of the end for my trophy self.
It was an experience I had yearned for 28 years since I last set foot on this continent. And the encounter was anything but expected. It was a meeting that lay in wait for me, ready to engulf me entirely. The experience was so powerful that it took me out of my own body and placed me as an observer. There were eight of us, and I took on the role of an amateur photographer. Through the camera lens, I could distance myself from what was happening and observe my own life – a life that, as I realized, did not belong to me. It belonged to all those who shaped the course of my path, which wasn’t mine at all.
That’s when I first thought I might not exist at all. There was a shell of me, something people could see and comprehend as human. But it wasn’t really me; it was everyone who had taken control of my life and paraded with it as their achievement. I became a trophy – like a hunting trophy immortalized on a wall plaque to mark when dehumanization occurred – there I stood on display, something to be admired yet unworthy of support or comfort in life’s emotional states.
That marked the beginning of the end for my trophy self. And for this experience, I will be grateful for life itself.
Burnout
Helped me to emerge a more authentic version of myself.
Two years ago, I experienced burnout. As I later discovered when talking to specialists and others who had been through a similar experience, burnout merely grazed me. Yet, the impact was profound, leading to a transformative shift in my life, which I consider a gift that I will forever be thankful for. During the episode of illness, it halted all my workaholic desires, rushing around, and providing support to others – simplifying self-sacrifice.
That chapter in my life has ended forever because my body said: “I cannot do this anymore. Stop.” And so I did—for an entire year. Despite how those around me perceived it as a collapse and dissolution of self, the truth is different.
After the seemingly inevitable lesson from my body that said “No”, I emerged stronger, more present, authentic and determined to follow my truth—myself—more than ever before in life.
My three daughters.
I am grateful for the treasures of my life.
My miracles. Three of them, each one with their own unique personality. They came into my life to teach me the greatest lesson of all. I see that they are intertwined with every precious moment of my life and that every trial, as well as all the mistakes I have made, are reflected in their faces, eyes, and, above all, their characters.
I look at Ula, Maša, and Hana with my deepest respect. They teach me the wisdom of life while also bringing joy from witnessing the gifts of learning on both their path and mine.
My very first step onto African soil.
This is essentially the story of my life’s love.
The connection I made in my early twenties was so raw, authentic, and natural that the bond remains undeniably alive and flowing to this day. Stepping onto African soil is akin to touching the innocent young skin of your child for the first time when they are placed in your arms. Both experiences are acts of primal purity. The touch is imbued with all senses, emotions, and the very essence of love for life.
It’s about the rawness of survival in a whirlwind that turbulently spins you into dimensions that are inexplicable with words. At that moment, I knew I had touched the very essence of life itself – it’s what drives people’s blood through their veins and enables us to see what is hidden from our eyes.
A 6 hours long wait on the French highway on a 5.000km long hitchhiking trail to Portugal.
It taught me a lesson – perseverance pays off.
When I look back on that experience today, it still sends shivers down my spine. I was twenty-one, embarking on an unusual hitchhiking journey to Portugal with my friend. What made the trip even more challenging was that, apart from my sister, no one knew about our venture, each of us carrying a 30-kilo backpack and sticking out our thumbs at the side of the road – even where it wasn’t always officially allowed.
We were already halfway through our journey when we found ourselves stranded in the middle of a deserted highway in France. It was noon when we started hitchhiking at a remote rest area. We spent hours and hours trying to catch a ride but all we got were cars driving past and silent glances from their occupants – for a full five hours. In scorching temperatures around 40 degrees Celsius, without solid food and lacking water, we felt exhausted, fed up, tired and angry at ourselves and each other for ending up in such a situation.
At the end of those five hours something happened; my friend stormed away saying she couldn’t take it anymore. But what became even more apparent to me was that if we gave up now, we wouldn’t make it out of there in time or find lodging for the night.
I felt anger rising within me – anger towards my friend’s weakness and towards the situation itself – but I didn’t give up. After nearly six long hours, a Spanish truck driver took pity on me; only part way along his route coincided with ours but he stopped nonetheless.
I was numb when he pulled over – unable to move or speak – but he saw immeasurable gratitude in my eyes as proof that perseverance had paid off.
My friend emerged from the shade and our second half of this arduous journey began.
Even today, I am grateful for this relentless experience which ultimately tested my character. During those challenging moments, I got to know myself better than ever before. I learned that perseverance pays off, even when faced with anger and despair. That experience taught me more about myself than any other moment in life.
The book “Prisoner of the Pain” by Tomo Virk.
How this book defined my love for books.
The love for books has always been like love at first sight in my life. It happened while reading Tomo Virk’s book “Prisoner of the Pain” which, as a literary theory, revealed to me the fundamental principles of life through the analysis of various literary works. In order to understand that book back then, I had to read all the works Virk wrote about in it. Thus, the book became a gateway to the realm of literary art for me—a collection of hidden wisdom between its lines that offers insights for a lifetime, rather than quick-fix models. Even today, almost thirty years later, I return to this book, as it has become my literary sanctuary.
My parents.
How My Parents Taught Me to Fight for My Own Happiness
Each of us has our own stories and experiences that shape our lives. Personally, I am immensely grateful to my parents for all the moments that put me in challenging situations, tested me, and taught me the value of adaptability and attention to detail. As I stepped into adulthood, I realized that the experiences of my childhood, no matter how difficult they seemed at times, have undoubtedly shaped who I am today.
In those tough moments, I began to understand how important it is to fight for my own happiness. I realized that ego-centric people can take control of our lives, but each individual is responsible for their own destiny. Learning how to recognize these dynamics and take control of my life was at times daunting, yet also liberating. I discovered that the journey into the unknown is often one of the most freeing experiences.
I am grateful to my father, who did not believe in me, as his skepticism pushed me to learn to believe in myself. This inner strength I found encouraged me to stand on my own two feet and trust in my abilities, which is an invaluable foundation for anyone who wants to shape their own life.
I must also mention my mother. Her struggles and perseverance taught me how important it is to embrace life fully. She showed me that each day is an opportunity for new beginnings and the exploration of one’s passions. Without her influence, I would not understand how precious life is and how it should be lived.
All of this started when I first stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to take responsibility for my happiness. On this journey, I discovered not only myself but also the value of setting boundaries and seeking the truth. And for all this, I will be eternally grateful.
On this path, I realized that challenges are inevitable, but it is these very challenges that shape us into who we become. Have you ever wondered what has shaped you? Where did you find the strength to fight for your dreams? The answers to these questions may be waiting for you, in everyday experiences and unforgettable moments that put you to the test.
Interested in transforming your challenges into strengths? Let me guide you on your journey to achieving your dreams. Learn from lifelong experiences and let’s work together to unlock your potential. Take the first step towards transformation today!
